So Cool You Can't Even Look At It.

Hey, guys! How's it going?

I'm doing pretty well.. Got some news for you. :D


Well, first of all, may I just say that my love life is KILLING ME?! Haha. Seriously, though, I don't know what to do with myself.. Or these crazies.


But, that's kind of a sidenote.. for now.


I have some family in town - my grandma, an aunt and uncle, and their two kids. Anyway, Jack (my cousin) is "four and a half" and absolutely adorable. He says the funniest things...

"Mom! I'm so, so cute!" "I know, Jack!" "Oh, she already knew!"
"I wanna be a street sweeper when I grow up."
"So cool you can't even look at it."
And, well, much more. I've been constantly quoting him on Twitter for the past few days, so you can definitely check it out on there. It's seriously hilarious.


Second order of business, I'm probably going to be pulling a semi-all-nighter tonight, or at least a late-nighter, because I have an audition tomorrow! It's for a somewhat confidential project.. A series regular on an upcoming TV show. Anyway, I tend to stay up late the night before an audition (as oxymoronic or ridiculous as that may be/sound) studying and preparing. Being the extremely odd girl that I am, I am my most creative late at night, so that's when I am the most productive and get the most done creatively. Anyway.. It's a great opportunity and I think it'll go pretty well! Wish me luck! <3


Third order, is the music I spoke briefly about in my last post. I've written some more songs in the past few days and my favorites (of my own, recent work) are Parade and Speechless.
Parade is about this guy (actually, it's kind of about two of them) who doesn't really seem to notice me. And it's like, I don't really know if anything's going to happen between us but I'm really intrigued by you and I think I have a shot, so "here's my parade." And "parade" is basically just a metaphor for like, being bold and noticeable. One of the lines is, "I'm not the kind of girl to be so bold/but still, I'm not the kind of girl to be left alone." So I'm basically saying I never really am super outgoing with guys, but I don't like not being noticed... If that makes any sense at all. And it's also saying, you never notice me, would you even notice me if I threw a parade ("If I threw a parade would you notice me?/If you noticed me what would you see?"). Make sense?
Now, have you heard the song "Change" by Taylor Swift? It's off of her Fearless album and you should listen to it because it's basically my theme song. Well, Speechless is kind of similar. It's about following my dreams and how I know things are going to change, and then the transition in the bridge and revised chorus is like it's actually happening now.


Sorry, I dunno if you even care to know any of that. :P


The last thing I wanted to say is going back to my love life.. and has to do with my song(s) of the day. (Yeah, I'm debating whether or not I should put two up today.)

So, there's this guy. And I really, really like him. And he (used to) really, really like(d)(s) me as well. But over the past few days, I've realized that I totally screwed everything up with him, and probably pushed him away on accident. I didn't really realize he was still there for me to push away, but I guess he was, and now I think he's gone. But I really don't want him to be. Because I still want something to happen between us.

And you know who you are. So, if you're reading this, by any slight chance, I want to tell you that I am so sorry about what happened. I hope you realize what it is I'm talking about, because I want you to know that I didn't mean to do it. I thought you had moved on and so I forced myself to move on and in the process I ended up pushing you away and making you force yourself to move on for real. And so if you're completely over me, I understand. And I'll leave you alone. But you should know that I didn't really ever get over you. I thought you were done with me and so I tried to be done with you. But, clearly, that didn't work. And I'm so, so, so sorry. I feel like such and idiot and a jerk and.. I'm sure you hate me. Well, but then I think about the times we have talked since then and, I could be very wrong, but it feels like you maybe still have feelings for me too? I know this is a lot I'm throwing at you, and you're probably not even reading this right now. But if you are, please know that I am truly sorry if I messed everything up and threw it all away.. Because I didn't mean to. And I still.. I still have feelings for you.




Song 1: "I Never Told You," Colbie Caillat.

Line 1: "But I never told you what I should've said. No, I never told you. I just held it in. And now, I miss everything about you. Can't believe that I still want you. After all that we've been through, I miss everything about you, without you."


Song 2: "I Told You So," Carrie Underwood.

Line(s) 2: "Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you... And suppose I said I realized you're all I ever wanted, and it's killing me to be so far away..... Would you say I told you so, but you had to go. And now I've found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again?..... Would you say you missed me too and that you'd been so lonely? And that we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only? Or would you say the table's finally turned?"



I'm sorry.